I was referred to the NGS in 2017.
I did not hear from them until 2019, two years after referral, when I called to see if my referral was one of the ones lost and it was.
I received a letter in early 2021, nearly a year and a half after that, to give me the appointment for my initial assessment. This lasted 4.5 hours, with a ten-minute break during. It was at 9am and they did not take into account that I live 4.5 hours away from the hospital, and therefore had to drive up at 4:30am, and drive back home again after the appointment ended. It was a 620km round trip. When I called to confirm, I asked if it was possible to do it on video call due to the distance and COVID, and they said it was not.
The appointment was with a social worker and covered my mother's pregnancy with me, early childhood, family relationships, friendships, social life, education, and work. A lot of it was not relevant to my identity.
They did not like when I couldn't remember details, such as names of childhood friends or why we aren't still in contact. I don't think this is fair as no one has a perfect memory of everything that has ever happened to them, and the NGS expects us to remember every little detail. They spent some time talking about my relationship with my partner and family planning, mentioning their own children. They asked that he attend my second appointment.
My second appointment took place three months later and lasted approx 30 minutes. I was told it would take 90, but it began approx 40 minutes late and I was on break from work and had to get back on time. They ran through what to expect when starting HRT and clarified a few things from my previous appointment. They gave me a vague estimate of when I would return for my third appointment and that it would basically entail picking up my prescription and a quick chat with them.
I received a letter two months after that stating my third appointment will take place towards the end of this year. This appointment is one week shy of four years since referral. I received a call from the social worker shortly after this letter asking to arrange a family planning appointment with me and my partner over video call. They said this is something they like to do with couples who are long-term or live together. During my initial appointment with them, I stated that I was in a long-term relationship and that we are living together. They asked about future children and I stated that we had discussed it, but it wasn't going to be soon, and that we had no solid plans about how to go ahead with this. She asked if I intended to freeze eggs before I start HRT and I said that I did not, that I was not compelled to have biological children, that I would not be carrying any children myself, and that I could not afford this anyway. They wrote this down and said they would support me if I chose to have biological children, which I again said I had no intention to.
In my second appointment, they brought this up and asked me my stance on my relationship and future children. I restated the above, and they said they are supportive of if I wished to have biological children, and informed me to not expect to have children at all any other way, as surrogacy is illegal, foreign adoption for a gay couple is very complicated, and Irish adoption is very difficult. I said that I had no solid plans for children yet as I am still quite young, and we never know what changes may occur by the time I may choose to have any.
I had the family planning appointment with the social worker and my partner on video call. It lasted approx. 30 minutes and during that time they repeatedly asked me to consider "preserving my fertility", even though I stated I would not be doing this. My partner joined in on this after their third time asking to say that, like I had previously stated several times, this was not something we were considering. They insisted it was important to consider, and we both assured them we had discussed it and it would not be happening. They briefly mentioned the other options for having children, but spoke of them very negatively, and continued to bring the conversation back to the topic of biological children and me carrying a child, for the duration of the appointment. At the end, they asked if I had any questions, but when I asked them, they did not have any answers. Overall, it was thoroughly unhelpful and unnecessary, and I remain unsure as to why they insisted on it in the first place. They seemed to think that I was going to regret not "preserving my fertility" or having biological children, and did not listen to me repeat what I stated in my first two appointments, and in this one.
Regarding COVID, I have had to attend all appointments thus far in person, and have not been permitted to wear a mask during. They said that both of these are because they want to be able to accurately read body language and facial expressions, and the secretary confirmed this on the phone.
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